Monthly Archives: February 2015

Talking

I love talking with my wife. We had spent too many years just covering the basics. I rarely, if ever, shared my fears, my insecurities, my doubts or my dreams. I had lost the connection and the spark in life.

Talking to her now is amazing. We share everything. It can be hard as she often shares the immediate thoughts. They can be anger, sadness , hatred, agony, desire, hope and often love. I appreciate when she has the strength to tell me of her pain. I have never run from those moments. I have always said, i caused it and i must fave it. It is very difficult to sit and listed to it all but i do it knowing she is living those emotions weekly, daily and even hourly. I owe it to her to experience as much as she will share. Today alone we woke happy in a loving embrace. She hated me between 2 to 4 and tonight can smile at me again. I recognize and embrace how much i have affected our lives and work hard to easy that burden. She see my efforts and appreciates them even when we are not directly speaking.

Communication is so very important. When she is not talking to me i still try and communicate to her. I do this through actions. I look for every chance i can to express my understanding of her needs. She often tells me she notices everything which empowers me to go further.

We vow never to stop talking again.

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Recognizing what i could have lost

Every day I think about what I could have lost. Every day i am thankful for the life i now have. I consciously stop what i am doing and appreciate where i am in that moment. I appreciate being able to look at my wife, knowing she loves me, knowing we are healing together and not apart. So much has fallen apart in my life but not my life. Our family business has gone under, my brother marriage is falling apart over the money which has been lost, my patents life savings was in the company and at 80+ years hard changes are coming. I am facing insecurity about my own abilities and choices and right now i am managing all this with the support of my wife and love of my family. I could be alone alienated by everyone, in a lonely apartment or condo only seeing my children every other weekend. I could be lost to addiction and never recover. I could be dead leaving my loved ones to suffer and question everything. By the immeasurable strength of my wife and her love for me which i could not begin to describe in depth, i am here, with her.

But i am here. I wake beside the most amazing woman i could ever imagine. We have a long way to go. She is still tortured daily, i watch her fall and see her pick herself up and keep going. She gives me strength to do the same.

She is my angel.